Most people want to be liked, but the reality is that not everyone is going to like you – and that’s a good lesson to learn. I have a note on my desk that reminds me that I’m not liked by everyone because I am not pizza.
Trying to be liked by everyone is basically a people pleaser. A people pleaser is someone who tries hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away from them. People pleasers often act out of insecurity and a lack of self-esteem. They can often be perfectionists, but soon realize they cannot do it all.
If any of this sounds like you, consider the following ideas that can help you resist being a people pleaser:
- Set proper boundaries. Remember that saying “no” allows you to say “yes” to the things that you truly want to do or really need to do.
- Clarify expectations of what you are being asked to do before deciding whether or not to say yes.
- Prioritize yourself first. This was an important lesson for me – especially growing up in a severely dysfunctional family. The reality is if you don’t take care of yourself, who’s going to do it? If you lose your health because you put everyone else first, what good will you be to others if all you have the energy to do is lie in bed recovering? And if it feels like you are disappointing the other person, do a forgiveness activity so you don’t carry any guilt after properly putting yourself first.
By implementing one or more of these techniques, you will minimize your people pleaser tendencies and reduce your stress in the process.
Image courtesy of Science of People.
Please note that there is no guarantee a particular stress relief tool will work for you. Thus you must take complete responsibility for using them and for your own physical and emotional wellbeing. Further, Professor Pete Alexander is not a licensed health professional. Please consult qualified health practitioners regarding your use of any stress relief technique. Medical advice must only be obtained from a physician or qualified health practitioner.