• Mike O'Connor posted an update 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    So about a decade ago, I found myself in Texas doing the carpet and air duct cleaning thing. 

    I was pretty good at cleaning upholstery and I enjoyed it at the time. 

    On my first full day in Texas, I went to go clean three couches and some air ducts off in the country. The lead sheet had a star and what looked like “horse stains” next to the upholstery. 
    So I drive out to boofoo like two hours away to this little horse farm. This nice old lady, I think her name was Mary, greets me in the driveway. 

    She wanted the price on everything before I even looked at it because Bill as being moody.

    I made a few jokes and told her that Bill and I would probably get along because I get along with everyone. 

    She takes me inside. The first thing that I saw was two u-shaped couches. It like someone dropped an anvil right in the center of each one. 

    I turn the corner and see Bill sitting on the third couch. Bill was an adult donkey and he wasn’t happy about me messing with his couches at all. 

    Bill rushed me so I gave him apple off the television followed by a protein bar from my pocket. I was looking forward to eating that bar too. I should have left when the Donkey mugged me for my protein bar, but I wasn’t about to get noncomplete on day one.

    Bill and I came to an agreement so Mary signed to let me get going.

    I got halfway through the work with Bill watching my every move. 

    Finally, Mary comes around the corner to ask how us “boys” were getting along. He kept nipping at my butt like it really was an apple bottom so I asked her to send Bill outside so I could finish my work in peace.
    She asked me why. I told her ” Quite frankly, Bill is being an ass,” which I really couldn’t resist. Mary didn’t laugh and kicked me out for that. 

    On the way out the door, she tells me that she hopes I burn for teasing poor ole Bill.

    Turn out, I parked on a fire-ant hill. 

    I found out about that little bonus when I was driving down the highway at 70 mph and hundreds of those little devils decided to eat me for lunch. Oh, it burned for sure, 

    I’ll never forget my first full day in Texas. F*** you, Bill!

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