Illusion On The Nile
Bezes, Pretty sure that’s not what the bailiff meant
Oh, um, sorry, but have you seen the hottie I’m hooking up with?
Yes, Bezes. We’ve all seen her
Order in the court. Kenzie, call your first witness
I call Gymbo the Clown
Do you swear
Damn right I’m gonna swear. I’m unemployed due to that son of a
Gymbo, think of the children
Screw the children. I’m gonna kill that bas
I call Geoffrey the Giraffe
What is that smell
That would be me, your honor. I’m Geoffrey the Dumpster Diving Giraffe thanks to that pri
Kenzie, I fail to see how these witnesses equal irreconcilable differences
Don’t you see, your honor? My husband isn’t divorcing me. He’s firing me, just like the rest of the world
Yes, he’s treating me like an, an, an employee
Bezes, call your first witness
I call my good friend, Muskie
Bezes is a fine upstanding
Excuse me, didn’t you just lay off 7000 employees
They had it coming
Quiet down, Musk
We don’t gotta front no more Bezes. We’ll be living the high life on Mars before you know it
You don’t mean
That’s right. Space XXX is ready to roll
Great, Blue Orgasm is right behind you
Let’s smoke this joint
Yeah, then we’ll leave
Illusion On The Nile
My love grows bigger for you every day Chiquita
Yo tambien te amo señor Bezes
NO, really, Chiquita, my love is huge
Me estoy sonrojando señor Bezes
Tell you what. I’ll send you a picture of my love if you send me a picture of yours
No entiendo señor Bezes
Alex, take a picture of this, and send it to Chiquita
Sending “Junk”mail now sir
Alex, why did you title picture, Chipolata?
Alex knows your little seniorita is Hispanic sir, so I gave picture name she would comprenda
And what does Chipolata mean, Alex
It means your love is mucho grande, Mr. Bezes
Did we get the pictures?
Are you kidding me? Bezes’ personal assistant uploaded them directly to The National Inquisitor website
If you were the richest man in the world, why not just send picture of your bank account?
I tell you one thing. If I was richest man on planet, I woulda paid for an upgrade
Did you get my picture, Chiquita?
de que imagen estas hablando señor Bezes?
I gotta bad feeling about this
no senti nada señor Bezes
I really need to learn Spanish
Illusion On The Nile
Alex The Betrayer
Jay the Carney, Haven’t seen or heard from you since Honduras
Well, Cavendish, been busy
You’ve been busy? I’m doin all the work. Job at National Food, infiltrated Nile Warehouse, snuck into Bezes’ castle, even picked up a sidekick, and a senorita along the way. What the hell you been doin?
Here, read these
Cant’ wait to do the sneaky freaky deaky with you, girl
I can tell by the smell, this is love
Ride on my rocket, the one in my pocket
What is this harlequin crap?
Those, my friend, are Nile’s illustrious leader’s love confessions flowing all over his secret mistress
But Bezes’ been married for 25 years
Not after The National Inquisitor breaks the story this weekend
And how did you
Let’s just say there was an Echo in the room
You hacked his personal assistant?
That’s the beauty of it. Alex did it all on her own
I knew that electronic tramp couldn’t be trusted
Yep, turns out jealousy isn’t just a human frailty. And get this, Bezes asked Alex to hire a PI to find the leak
There’s more. Alex planned to terminate the other woman, but she disappeared. That’s why she went to the paper
What’s this mistress’ name?
I think it’s Juanita, Chiquita, something like that
The Illusion doesn’t care when you are early
But the one time you are late?
Oh, The Illusion cares
The Illusion doesn’t care when your store looks perfect
But let an executive walk in when you are unprepared
You bet The Illusion cares
The Illusion doesn’t care your store’s sales have been off the chain
Bit have a bad month
The Illusion cares big time
The Illusion doesn’t care about your truths
The Illusion only cares about the perceptions of truth of those around you
Every single person in your life
Wrap yourself in the cloth of truth
I am hard working, dedicated, loyal
The sooner you you recognize the power of other’s perceptions, the sooner you can craft your own truths in their minds
They can’t stop you
Their truths are dictated by #Emotionalintelligence at the most elemental level of their subconscious minds
An area they can’t reach
But consciously, you can
You unknowingly craft The Illusion every single day
Craft The Illusion on your terms
That, my friends, is
The Illusion of Competence
Retail is Transactional #Leaderership, a model that rewards and punishes performance
The Illusion of Competence exists because we do not determine good and poor performance
Instead, executives and their perception set the bar for good performance, and once attained, the bar gets moved to a higher plateau
In other words executives are
The same holds true for associates
Associates want more pay, more benefits, not for the promise of more productivity, but just because they are
Where does this leave us?
Bosses never satisfied with performance and associates never satisfied with rewards
The river of Discontent flows between these two extremes
I researched transactional leaders and a surprising name surfaced
Howard Schultz, founder of Starbucks
#ServantLeadership, is rooted in Transactional Leadership
And guess what?
Executives spending more on benefits than coffee are
Associates with benefits the envy of associates everywhere are
Transactional Leadership had its shot, and clanked off the rim
Its time for a new direction
The Write Up Rule
Embrace all their flaws
No Stretch Goals
The Illusion of Competence
If you do something wrong for 10 years, doing it for 10 years does not change fact it is wrong
Statements prevalent in hashtag#Leadership circles
What can I do for you?
How can I help you?
Can you say “Cop-out”?
Think your Millennial workforce cares about the shoes, clothes, glasses, electronics they sell enough to tell you how to do it better?
You are so wrong
It’s not your associates’ jobs to tell you what you can do for them, and if you need to ask, maybe this leadership thing isn’t for you
Know what your team wants?
They want you to do your job and lead
Make decisions so they don’t have to
Let me spell this out for you
Make their job easier
Make them better at their jobs
Lead by Idea, not by example
Associates follow ideas, plain and simple
The Illusion of Competence gives you the tools
The Three Tenets
Theory of Deep Understanding
Food Poisoning Theory
Write Up Rule
Plus One Service Model
Your DM and corporate point out your successes and failures, nothing more
Your team’s success starts with you
No Is Easy
Thousands of stores closed around you this year. If on future list, your company will not help you. They plan on you failing.
Doing what they said got you into this mess in the first place. Continuing to do so is the definition of insanity.
Stop quoting policy & giving your customers Food Poisoning. Start helping the human in front of you & give them a reason to return.
You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your associates
Start appealing to your customers at the most elemental level of Emotional Intelligence
The pissed off customer is exactly the same as the person quietly walking away. Neither is coming back, yet the company bends over backward for one while taxing the other
Focus on emotion, not emotional reaction
Don’t let it get to this point for either customer
Stop waiting for someone to get pissed before you help them
Do what’s right, not what’s written
No one ever built their business by quoting policy
Your business is built on who returns tomorrow, not on what you sell today
The POS system is not your boss
Sales are down this year because business was not built last year
Only you can save your store
What is your new return policy?
You can come back as often as you like d;o)
Same Old Song And Dance
Gap closing hundreds of stores
IKEA cutting 7500 jobs
Someone on LinkedIn saying her Zale’s store closing at Christmas
And this is just the beginning. More store managers will be reaching out in coming weeks, looking for work for their teams as they are handed their pink slips
Know what these managers did wrong?
Trusted leadership to do what’s best for them.
They did exactly what their bosses told them to do. They followed corporate policy. They maintained the status quo.
GAP is not hard to figure out. Media and investors blame swinging and missing at recent fashion trends, but it’s much simpler than that.
Know what I see every time I walk in a GAP store?
Five associates working on projects and a cashier ringing up customers.
I remember the last time I was greeted at GAP. Oh, that’s right, I’ve never been greeted at GAP.
And when you ask for help, associates seem stressed when pulled off their all-consuming projects.
GAP CEO Art Peck actually stated last year that other clothing brands closing was good for GAP.
How did that myopic vision work out?
Your boss isn’t saving you
Executives aren’t saving you
Corporate isn’t saving you
The Illusion of Competence
Only you…Can save you
Do you mind if I ask what happened to your vision?
I was eight, swinging a plastic sword around on my bed. I hit the light bulb above the bed, a hot piece of glass went right in my eye. Been blind in that eye ever since.
Sorry I keep saying “what”, I lost my hearing in both ears because of an accident.
It’s okay mam. My wife would tell you I can’t hear either.
We used a wood-burning stove. My son threw a bag of trash in it. We did that all the time. My husband was going to burn it the night before, but got distracted.
My son didn’t know there was a can of weed killer in the bag. I started the stove and was stirring the wood. The explosion threw me across the room. I don’t remember anything. I had serious chemical burns on my face, and lost my hearing.
Mind if I ask what happened to your vision, sir?
I was 11. Ran around the corner of the house. A friend was swinging around rubber hose and the metal tip hit me right in the eye. I never saw out of that eye again.
Tom was a 5 time racquetball state champ, and an arrogant prick. He had a stroke at 50, couldn’t walk or talk for 3 years. After the stroke, you never met a nicer guy.
Cherish every moment. You never know when a moment will change your life forever.
Hi Mike, Appreciate what you do. my biggest challenge is juggling different social media. i write on LinkedIn and share on The Illusion Channel on Facebook, but am not active on twitter and Instagram. The thought of adding more social media and juggling it all is daunting. I joined SPN hoping to learn how to juggle. Any suggestions much appreciated
http://www.ifttt.com is a god send. I also follow people like @samhurley. He will tell you to master one or two, before moving onto taking on too much. A lot of what I do is automating things with widgets and other tech.
Part of the goal with this site is giving people a platform that will help them find answers from experts on each of the main platforms. It also gives you the ability to share the content you have on other sites. So posting your LinkedIn updates and articles here can help you get more views there. Same goes with your social media channels and blogs.
Instagram is awesome!! I use the platform along with IFTTT widgets to share content everywhere including twitter (twice with different layouts for each post), pintest (widget), Linkedin( widget that is why all my instagram go to linkedin…another backlink for the site and traffic to insta…it is building my following there).
If you want to give me a call with specific questions that works. Also, @craigwasilchak and a few other people can help you with social media management too.
@troy with Discover County Network can help with online advertising too. That can help solve a lot of branding/lead issues without the headache or a big fee too. We are all online for one reason really anyway….make more money.
And finely balancing automation with engagement is THE key! Cheers Mike!